[25 Jan 2006|06:36pm] yet again, i find myself not having written in quite a while. and, i don't think i will now 1 comment|post comment

[26 Nov 2005|09:30pm] such an interesting time of year. here most people enjoy themselves preparing for the up coming holidays. just after feasting on a large thanksgiving dinner, exhausting family conversation, and the usual uncles more than generous appetite for a bottle... the season is colder, the people feel warmer, and the balance continues that keep each and every person looking for that something to hold onto. that that makes them comfortable. Wish lists are made, parents are nervous and the bank accounts drained. glitter is placed around home and hands, smiles are painted on and laughter shared around the globe. an honest effort to be better in a worse world is put in place. and a final scramble to lose last years 'holiday weight' is attempted before the cookies are ready for frosting. dogs spend less time outside. masters spend less time outside as well. mice spend more time inside and my cereal box has been opened before i was ready to consume. There are different smells in the air, and sometimes the air itself stings ones nostrils as your nose turns to a bright red. children seem more curious. snowflakes dance, streets freeze, morning commuters set their alarm clocks ten minutes earlier. women put on large sweaters, men boast of being able to stand the chill and drink warm beverage after warm beverage to get over this damn cold. flannel sheets, extra blankets and less day light. seeing your breathe, watching it disappear. watching it disappear. disappear. post comment

[02 Nov 2005|07:38pm] (bad things) post comment

[24 Oct 2005|06:45pm] the donair. its amazing... heavy in a pita. post comment

[16 Oct 2005|05:21pm] Miserable. Sad cold and alone tired, but constantly moving. so incredibly thin, brittle. I was so drunk last night. My friends were also. We argued, we brought pride, arrogance and stubborness to the table. We fought, we broke things and our selves. I argued with everything and everyone... i hated it. I hated myself, and i still feel that today. I keep watching tv, or movies. I can't stand to be in the quiet right now. Thoughts are bad things when i am angry. there is so much work to do. post comment

[02 Oct 2005|03:39pm] i now have face book. it has come to canada. post comment

[22 Sep 2005|10:53pm] i am sad. not unhappy, just sad. i miss things, things that i know. but even after i feel like i have exhausted those emotions, i still feel sad. this isn't a pleasant way to feel. post comment

[20 Sep 2005|10:28am] i get up early everyday. i can't help it. i can never sleep past 8 or so, i could have gone to bed at 7:30, but i'll be up at 8. today i have lots to do yet no motivation to do it. so i wont. i'll give in, or up, or out... i don't know i am getting worse. angry, sad a lot.... i stopped drinking again for at least a week... the 'detox' periods where i remember whats important. fuck that just frustrated.ddddddddd going to the gym post comment

[13 Sep 2005|08:51pm] I wish i knew where to begin. 1 comment|post comment

[11 Sep 2005|05:54pm] i have been a slut for sleep recently. honestly, i can not get enough... it seems all that i do is eat and sleep, throwing the occasional obscene amount of alcohol in. anyway.. i bought some really good cigars. tonight i smoke them post comment

[10 Sep 2005|09:05am] fascinating that no matter how much you believe you are happy, content, sad or miserable... that inevitably all of those emotions will disapear and come back in a different order, sequence and way again and again and again.. This cycle of emotional highs and lows, is absolutely incredibly... but even beyond the emotinos themselves, as soon as one thinks or feels it, its already too late... chances are you've already acted on it. i mean, how often do you realize you are happy before you smile. and yet, to know that you are happy you would have had to come from sad. im back at school, and its incredibly happy. i love these people, i love this area. but still somehow i am void of something, and miserable inside. i drank almost every night this week. and yes, certainly much of that has to do with class not in full swing yet, but that only made me more miserable... slow, drained and exhausted. i miss being near the person i love. i miss that feeling of holding her, making sure she has what she wants... the quick PDA kiss, that im convinced makes every other person in the world jealous..... but now i am the jealous one, the bitter one... hating all the love in the world, despite that i still have mine.... just not here. i don't like myself these days... hopefully class will pick up and i will do well with that, at least be busy enough and distracted.... hopefully fucking emotions. they're just chemicals post comment

[29 Aug 2005|08:56pm] Hello live journal.... summer, 6 days left. school is coming. only thing to say. i am going to miss jen. 1 comment|post comment

long time [10 Jul 2005|08:31pm] hello world of live journaling... Well where to bein i guess nowhere. i am over worked and over tired, hungry all the time and usually thirsty. i went out to the bar last night with cara dabkowski.... that was quite an interesting experience... not because of her, just because of the night itself... jen hates her internship and i hate that she hates it and hate them for her as well.... i really miss being able to see her every day.... i know i know, spencer in love... wierd and perfect, couldn't be happier i bought a jeep wrangler. i am the man.... haha, ok, i am that guy who pretends to be the man because i drive a jeep(and yes i took the doors off today) ok, i am bored. 1 comment|post comment

[22 Jun 2005|08:04pm] wow... haven't done this in awhile, but i guess that is always the way it goes. summer time warm nights with exhausting heat during the days too much work, not enough play found a girl and fell in love its good, life is good. good. and i enjoy saying that. Its hard after a couple great months to go back and try to understand or even imagine myself in the mental state and constant depression of just a year or so ago... to think of how many stupid drunk nights i had, or how many nights just here at this damn computer bitching about my juvenile dilemmas.... but that is all done with. and with how much i have to be happy for and about, i can't find many things to speak of. just know that i am well. post comment

[22 Apr 2005|05:53pm] Well, here i am... once again, wasting time and finding nothing... took an incredible nap today, helping the room mate move out, going to dinner and my parents either arrive this morning(2amish) or around noon... that is all. post comment

[21 Apr 2005|03:26pm] So, my roomie Courtney is in the process of moving out. Thus, i have been sitting in her room, getting in her way and occasionally stopping to right a song about her promiscuous sex life. In addition, lisa is over.. and after forgetting her purse at MCd's came over and helped in the distraction of Court from her tedious task of packing. My parents are coming up on saturday, that excites me... it will be nice to have things paid for and that they can help me pack up shit. i am hungry. always hungry. i think i am pregnant. 1 comment|post comment

[16 Apr 2005|08:28am] So... I finished it all. Stayed up a little past bed time last night, just to insure the desired ability to sleep in. This, wake at 7:30, two cups of coffee and off to the library life isn't for me... the comforts of my bed were seductive and i was going to give in to the long forgotten sin of sleeping in. HOWEVER>>> 7:50 this morning, hardly sleeping in, in fact... only two snooze hits past this previous weeks wake up time, my friend Shauna shows up... balling her eyes out. First of all, i believe in being a good friend, so i am not upset that she came over crying, secondly, i am not upset that she would choose me over her other friends.... what frustrates me is I WANTED TO SLEEP IN!!! I WANTED A REWARD FOR ALL THIS PAST WEEKS HARD HARD WORK. plus, i really hate crying. in fact, it is one of the things that i can tolerate the least... in fact, if you are crying, i don't know why you would ever come to me... cause i can't help you stop, i can only facilitate the tearing post comment

[15 Apr 2005|10:58am] SO close!! so bloody close. I am in the process of finalizing my last essay of the year: The human soul in plotinus' view of the world. rather interesting, but i am looking forward to it being over. then, just ten days, two exams, one long car ride, one day off, and then start work. So, in order to be able to afford my motorcycle, i am going to have to work my ass off. and i've already taken three jobs. so, this is what spencer's summer is going to be: mon-fri and every other weekend, 6 am - 2:30pm, Hartford Country Club, Green Crew 3 Nights(random) a week, 5pm till 1 or 2 am, The Half-Door Pub, Backbar/door/wait staff (the two above are all summer) July + August; Set Carpenter for YSB, two nights a week 5 till 10. So, basically, i will be asleep whenever i am not at work, but every other weekend, i might pop my head out for a bit. it will be exhausting, but i'll make the money i need... and i talked to both places the other day and the boss at each sounded pretty chill and friendly. hmm.. here is a situation. There is this girl, her name is Katie. I bumped into her at the coffee shop the other day, and though we have met in the past, we are hardly friends. So, after our run in, she called a mutual good friend of ours and got my number. before that friend could call me to warn me that the girl has my digits, katie called. SHe asked if i wanted to hang out. She is somewhat attractive, but a good personality... def a good girl. SO, i said sure. come on over, we'll throw on a movie or some shit. She over stayed her welcome, and i had to pull the 'shit, i gotta get up early to work on another essay' line, so she left. CAlled the next day to 'hang out again'. I said i was too busy(which was true)... so, she asked that i call the enxt day. I didn't, however... she just happend to show up at the library and while i was in the bathroom added herself to my MSN(canadian/worldly version of AOL.. kinda)ANd, as i was packing up to leave, despite her announcing that she was going to be there all night, packed up and left univited with me... Here is my problem. I don't let desperation. i don't like girls that despite the fact we hung out twice, have never spoken more than a polite hello.. and now you are trying to fucking be around 24/7... and i don't like girls that try to make a move with ten fucking days of the school year left. JESUS>>> so, ladies... take a hint, if a guy tells you he is too busy twice, in addition to not making a move. leave them the fuck alone. sorry.. i really just needed to vent. 7 comments|post comment

[11 Apr 2005|11:52am] So close to the end, yet so much work to do. i have been working now on this philosophy paper for three days, it is due in three hours, and i am nearly done... just stuck on my conclusion. I can't believe another school year has come and is damn near gone. Classes are done, and i only have two exams and a bunch of essays. I am really going to miss my house, or apt... whatever it is. wish i wasn't moving to a new place. e its wierd, just odd... stange, growing up.. moving in and out of places, not being 'grounded'... yet still being so attatched to the norm of young adulthood and college living. 8 months school, 4 months work a job... well, i guess its only two more years, and then the unpredictable. i just hope i don't fall into the 9-5, toyota corrolla, mortgage and 2.4 kids. well, i kinda hte kids, so that kicks that off. I am getting my motorcycle this summer(fuck yeah) so there goes the corrolla... now i just need to win the lotto(gets rid of mortgage) and then have my own biz or something... fuck, man.. i am almost 21, thats young.. i gotta stop thinking about this shit. post comment

[04 Apr 2005|05:25pm] It is finally a beautiful day here... and how fitting that i have finished all my essays for the week... well, until friday when i write two more that weekend... and then another two in 4 days. basically, starting friday i write an essay every two days. which really isn't all that bad i guess... just something that i have to get done. On a health note, i am feeling much much better. on a spencer's life note, i am getting my motorcycle this summer... it is done, i will have it at the end of June. and i will be the man. umm... yes, you can ride on it with me. and somebody needs to figure out a way that buckley can ride with me also... and no side cars. 2 comments|post comment

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